According to Lifetime, I don’t know anything about TV.

The nice thing about being a celebrity is that, if you bore people, they think it’s their fault.

Is there a sharper commentary on American culture and the world than The Simpsons?

I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night – and I’d dream about it being me.

When you come to my show, I want it to feel like opera, like a theatre.

And I love a scary movie. It makes your toes curl and it’s not you going through it.

You see the film, you might be entertained, and if it’s not a great film, it loses its power very quickly. I think even simply acceptable books stay with us a lot longer.

TV’s a big deal in prison. A big deal. People watch it nonstop.

One of the powerful temptations is that of the cinema palace. The cinema has undoubtedly an enormous attraction for boys, and people are constantly cudgelling their brains how to stop it. But it is one of those things which would be very difficult to stop even if it were altogether desirable.

I would rather entertain and hope that people learned something than educate people and hope they were entertained.

If you tell me there’s something I can’t do, I’ll want to do it even more. Especially when it comes to entertaining.

I never listen to the radio unless I rent a car.

Nothing feels better than going onstage and everybody is singing every word – and actually wanting to see you.

I don’t spend too much time on my phone, laptop or television. However, I do occasionally watch documentaries and shows on streaming platforms.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

I’ve always loved the showmanship of professional wrestling. While I love making movies, I love that platform, too.

I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.

For me, the way I stay consistent is through stand-up comedy.

The greatest thing about being a comedian is knowing other comedians. And you get to talk to them. Its the most fun.

Disneyland is the star, everything else is in the supporting role.

I think television has had a vast, unbelievable impact on us.

I do probably 60 concerts a year in the States. And I go out to clubs in the week. I’m doing new stuff all the time.

I love WWE, and I love that platform. There is no other platform in the world that gives me that instant gratification. There is just no other platform.

For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.

Nothing is so intolerable to man as being fully at rest, without a passion, without business, without entertainment, without care.

Everybody loved ‚The A-Team‘ because it was entertainment, pure and simple.

The narrow bandwidth of TV has made us think that we are stupider than we are.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

The tradition of the South is not urban… I think we are a region of storytellers, naturally, just from our tribal instincts. We did not have the pleasures of the theater or the dance, motion pictures when they came along. We simply entertain each other by talking.

Crankiness is at the essence of all comedy. My wife and I were discussing the different types of cranky. There’s entertaining cranky, annoying cranky, angry cranky.

I want to play a fireman and a spy. I want to learn special effects.

I learned how important it is to entertain people and give them a reason to come and watch you play.

I know some of the best Dolly Parton jokes. I made ‚em up myself.

I think that people are interested seeing me on the screen.

It’s really fun to be on stage in front of people.

I like a drama.

Writers and books are cheap dates, especially when you compare the cost of a book with a ticket to the opera – or an NHL game.

When you’re in comedy, people always come up and say, ‚Oh, it must be so hard.‘ It really isn’t hard unless you’re not good at it. If you can do it, its really kind of fun and easy.

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.

I absolutely want to have a career where you make’em laugh and make’em cry. It’s all theater.

There’s nothing funnier than the human animal.

I guess any movie actor can become a role model for audiences out there who enjoy him.

What a blast it is to be here with Michael Moore.

I sent out a tweet, ‚Dancing with the Stars‘ should stop the jibber jabber. They shouldn’t make the departure of a dancer so tear jerky because nobody’s going to war.

People get a kick out of my stupidity.

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.

We can all be successful and make money, but when we die, that ends. But when you are significant is when you help other people be successful. That lasts many a lifetime.

‚Best Man Holiday‘ was a very successful film.

You can always think of something like the Xbox 360 as a super set-top box that can do everything the set-top box does, but then have the graphics to do the games as well.

The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it’s so much fun.

In those days, the early 1980s, TV and film were interchangeable.

I don’t know who I touch and who I don’t. I work hard trying to make people laugh. I try to do the kind of stuff that made me laugh growing up. I don’t have any secrets. I don’t know the reasons I’ve been so well received.

Are we simply waving farewell to the days when some of the most interesting thinking in Europe and America came to us from our fiction film-makers? BBC2, which once introduced and showed great films, now shows none.

Movies were invented for Jimmy Cagney, and he was invented for the movies. A perfect match.

Nobody enjoys the ‚little show about nothing‘ humor more than me, but that is never the way I look at it.

Stand-up comedy is mine: it’s my entity; it’s my brand; I own it. I do it when I want to do it.

I sell escapism.

I am a giant proponent of giant screens. But I accept the fact that most of my movies are going to be seen on phones.

The best book, like the best speech, will do it all – make us laugh, think, cry and cheer – preferably in that order.

Too much TV hurts movies.

Music is part of the life of fashion, too.