I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‚Where’s the self-help section?‘ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
George CarlinYou have a ready wit. Tell me when it’s ready.
Henny YoungmanIt is pretty ironic that the so-called ‚least advanced‘ people are the ones taking the lead in trying to protect all of us, while the richest and most powerful among us are the ones who are trying to drive the society to destruction.
Noam ChomskyMan is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
Albert SchweitzerWit is the epitaph of an emotion.
Friedrich NietzscheEvery now and then I will see a word as if for the first time, and suddenly appreciate that Evian is ‚naive‘ spelled backward, or that Bosnia is an anagram of ‚bonsai.‘
Christopher HitchensI used to love Kurt Cobain, when he was telling people we’re a pop band. People would laugh, they thought of it as good old ironic Kurt. But he wasn’t being ironic.
BonoI suppose that’s one of the ironies of life doing the wrong thing at the right moment.
Charlie ChaplinI feel strange when I get applauded by people in power… because it’s obvious that it’s them I’m criticizing, but they can’t show that in front of the cameras. It’s quite funny sometimes.
Greta ThunbergIsn’t it strange that I who have written only unpopular books should be such a popular fellow?
Albert EinsteinPeople are always asking me in interviews, ‚What do you think of foreign affairs?‘ I just say, ‚I’ve had a few.‘
Dolly PartonSome sarcasm is best told simply.
Kevin HartPeople who can’t be witty exert themselves to be devout and affectionate.
George EliotOf puns it has been said that those who most dislike them are those who are least able to utter them.
Edgar Allan PoeI’d call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
Woody AllenCruelty would be delicious if one could only find some sort of cruelty that didn’t really hurt.
George Bernard ShawWit is educated insolence.
AristotlePeople use irony as a defense mechanism.
David ByrneI am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.
Oscar WildeAnger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor.
Francis BaconHe would make a lovely corpse.
Charles DickensIf a man’s wit be wandering, let him study the mathematics.
Francis BaconBrevity is the soul of wit.
William ShakespeareThis is the first age that’s ever paid much attention to the future, which is a little ironic since we may not have one.
Arthur C. ClarkeRepartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.
Mark TwainHe is winding the watch of his wit; by and by it will strike.
William ShakespeareOf Manners gentle, of Affections mild; In Wit a man; Simplicity, a child.
Alexander PopeWit is the lowest form of humor.
Alexander PopeThere’s many a man has more hair than wit.
William ShakespeareThe robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief.
William ShakespeareFind enough clever things to say, and you’re a Prime Minister; write them down and you’re a Shakespeare.
George Bernard ShawThe wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession.
Mark TwainYour manuscript is both good and original; but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good.
Samuel JohnsonThe first rap CD that I had, it was so different for me. The energy, the wordplay, all that caught my attention, and I liked it.
Bad BunnyBetter a witty fool than a foolish wit.
William ShakespeareIf it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Steven WrightThis man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he’s Frank and in Chicago he’s Ernest.
Henny YoungmanThere are men so philosophical that they can see humor in their own toothaches. But there has never lived a man so philosophical that he could see the toothache in his own humor.
H. L. MenckenThere is a certain majesty in simplicity which is far above all the quaintness of wit.
Alexander PopeThe genius, wit, and the spirit of a nation are discovered by their proverbs.
Francis BaconWit is the sudden marriage of ideas which, before their union, were not perceived to have any relation.
Mark TwainThe Canteen Boy, the reason you feel bad for him and you can laugh is because he, and I guess a lot of my characters, they don’t notice they’re getting made fun of. So they’ll say something back that’s not that great a quip, but in their mind they won the argument.
Adam Sandler