A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy, and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes.

I had a C-section, and I found it fascinating. I didn’t find it a sacrifice, and I didn’t find it a painful experience. I found it a fascinating miracle of what a body can do.

One has children in the expectation of dying before them. In fact, you want to make damn sure you die before them, just as you plant a tree or build a house knowing, hoping that it will outlive you. That’s how the human species has done as well as it has.

The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything.

Most of us experience a life full of wonderful moments and difficult moments. But for many of us, even when we are most joyful, there is fear behind our joy.

I’ve always wanted to live above my means because it inspired me to work harder.

Our care should not be to have lived long as to have lived enough.

Being a kid’s not easy. You’re transforming and becoming a human being. At some point, you have everyone taking care of you, and then, all of a sudden, you’re out in the world.

I am not the humblest person in the world. I admit that.

I have spent many years of my life in opposition, and I rather like the role.

Life cannot be without relationship, but we have made it so agonizing and hideous by basing it on personal and possessive love. Can one love and yet not possess? You will find the true answer not in escape, ideals, beliefs but through the understanding of the causes of dependence and possessiveness.

I am not promising that God will give you everything you want. There are times when we want things that God knows would not be good for us.

Who is the wisest man? He who neither knows or wishes for anything else than what happens.

Thoughts are fine when you don’t confuse them with who you are, and then thoughts are not a problem. Thinking is a wonderful tool to create things in this world. It only becomes problematic and a source of suffering when you confuse thinking with who you are.

Never contract friendship with a man that is not better than thyself.

It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.

We will be more successful in all our endeavors if we can let go of the habit of running all the time, and take little pauses to relax and re-center ourselves. And we’ll also have a lot more joy in living.

I don’t want followers.

I don’t go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it’s contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.

It’s not to much fun to know yourself too well or think you do – everyone needs a little conceit to carry them through & past the falls.

It’s a philosophy of life. A practice. If you do this, something will change, what will change is that you will change, your life will change, and if you can change you, you can perhaps change the world.

Reversing your treatment of the man you have wronged is better than asking his forgiveness.

The truth is something that burns. It burns off dead wood. And people don’t like having the dead wood burnt off, often because they’re 95 percent dead wood.

It is a wise father that knows his own child.

If you wished to be loved, love.

I don’t like it when people who are young act like they’re 40. That’s taking too much on. Putting up a shield and trying to act like you’re so mature or whatever – I don’t try to act mature. Some people might say I’m mature for my age, but it’s not something I’m trying to do, you know? I’m just me.

I’ll promise to go easier on drinking and to get to bed earlier, but not for you, fifty thousand dollars, or two-hundred and fifty thousand dollars will I give up women. They’re too much fun.

I didn’t think it was special to be able to sing.

Couples are wholes and not wholes, what agrees disagrees, the concordant is discordant. From all things one and from one all things.

There are some important differences between me and Tony Stark, like I have five kids, so I spend more time going to Disneyland than parties.

Do the thing we fear, and death of fear is certain.

The only way to have a friend is to be one.

What’s really hard is that you could care a lot for someone and not want to live with him anymore.

I don’t have any secrets I need kept any more.

Wisdom begins in wonder.

Everybody’s journey is individual. If you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy. The fact that many Americans consider it a disease says more about them than it does about homosexuality.

Even with my divorce and with everything, I don’t need money.

I try to be the same person I was yesterday.

I do not like broccoli. And I haven’t liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I’m President of the United States and I’m not going to eat any more broccoli.

The essential lesson I’ve learned in life is to just be yourself. Treasure the magnificent being that you are and recognize first and foremost you’re not here as a human being only. You’re a spiritual being having a human experience.

Sometimes it’s a form of love just to talk to somebody that you have nothing in common with and still be fascinated by their presence.

I don’t take pictures when I’m with my kids, for the sake of my kids. It’s important when you’re as busy as I am that you give your kids your time when you’re with them, and nothing compromises that. I’ve been lucky enough to have fans that understand that.

If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.

No law or ordinance is mightier than understanding.

It’s hard to be clear about who you are when you are carrying around a bunch of baggage from the past. I’ve learned to let go and move more quickly into the next place.

More than anything else, I want the folks back at home to think right of me.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world – not even our troubles.

The thing I always say to people is this: ‚If you avoid failure, you also avoid success.‘

From my perspective, I absolutely believe in a greater spiritual power, far greater than I am, from which I have derived strength in moments of sadness or fear. That’s what I believe, and it was very, very strong in the forest.

Doing Saturday Night Live definitely affects my relationship with my girlfriend and with my family, because you feel so much pressure to do well that night. But I think everyone’s grown to accept that and so they give me my space at the show.

We never love a person, but only qualities.

When you love someone, the best thing you can offer is your presence. How can you love if you are not there?

Clearly this is a tough economic time, and a lot of families are hurting. So when we talk to parents, we talk about small changes for kids and things that don’t cost extra money. Like adding water and eliminating sugary drinks and sodas. That’s going to save money right there. Or adding a few more vegetables.

One of the most mawkish of human delusions is the notion that friendship should be eternal, or, at all events, life-long, and that any act which puts a term to it is somehow discreditable.

Impart as much as you can of your spiritual being to those who are on the road with you, and accept as something precious what comes back to you from them.

No man who worships education has got the best out of education… Without a gentle contempt for education no man’s education is complete.

I read to my kid, but I can’t stand reading.

What most persons consider as virtue, after the age of 40 is simply a loss of energy.

Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have. Make the Now the primary focus of your life.

Knowledge is knowing that we cannot know.

Sir, my concern is not whether God is on our side; my greatest concern is to be on God’s side, for God is always right.