A man’s only as old as the woman he feels.

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that’s not so bad; but New York City?

Writers are a little below clowns and a little above trained seals.

People wonder aloud about whether I am an okay mother. That is obviously painful because it’s so important to me. It’s hard to hear that people think I’m not a capable mother and a good person, that they just think I’m nuts.

Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep.

As an athlete, you’d better laugh at yourself when you slip in the mud.

Nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.

Ever since I dated a woman, I know what it is to grab a curve on a woman’s body. Skinny’s not fine when the lights are low.

The right honourable gentleman caught the Whigs bathing, and walked away with their clothes. He has left them in the full enjoyment of their liberal positions, and he is himself a strict conservative of their garments.

Women deeply want men who are competent and powerful. And I don’t mean power in that they can exert tyrannical control over others. That’s not power. That’s just corruption.

Funny thing is that the poorer people are, the more generous they seem to be.

I love to flirt, and I’ve never met a man I didn’t like.

He who does not trust enough, Will not be trusted.

I never gave anybody hell! I just told the truth and they thought it was hell.

It occurred to me that there was no difference between men, in intelligence or race, so profound as the difference between the sick and the well.

Alas, after a certain age every man is responsible for his face.

I am at peace with God. My conflict is with Man.

People are like dirt. They can either nourish you and help you grow as a person or they can stunt your growth and make you wilt and die.

I don’t write material. Funny things happen to me in the course of a day, and I just make notes.

For me, it’s a purity thing about the joke itself. It’s a test of a joke whether or not you do it completely clean and it works. If it does, then that’s a legitimate item you have there. For me, it’s nothing to do with finding those words offensive. It’s just not what I’m in search of. Do it clean, and you are really earning that laugh.

I love that I can tell the truth and have people laugh at it.

I was terrible in English. I couldn’t stand the subject. It seemed to me ridiculous to worry about whether you spelled something wrong or not, because English spelling is just a human convention – it has nothing to do with anything real, anything from nature.

I confess I enjoy democracy immensely. It is incomparably idiotic, and hence incomparably amusing.

Trust is not the same as faith. A friend is someone you trust. Putting faith in anyone is a mistake.

Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.

It is necessary to fall in love… if only to provide an alibi for all the random despair you are going to feel anyway.

Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.

When we are in love we seem to ourselves quite different from what we were before.

The loss of young first love is so painful that it borders on the ludicrous.

He who lives in our mind is near though he may actually be far away; but he who is not in our heart is far though he may really be nearby.

We want our marriage to be a triumph, not a tragedy.

Mostly, my flying has been solo, but the preparation for it wasn’t. Without my husband’s help and encouragement, I could not have attempted what I have. Ours has been a contented and reasonable partnership, he with his solo jobs and I with mine. But always with work and play together, conducted under a satisfactory system of dual control.

I think everyone should approach relationships from the perspective of playing it straight and giving someone the benefit of the doubt. Until he establishes that this is a game. And if it’s a game, you need to win. The best thing to do is just walk away from the table.

I’ve never been a boyfriend kind of girl.

I don’t eat with beautiful women alone.

I mean… in life… what relationship is easy?

Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blonde.

The worst times were the years I was alone. The image to the public entering the courtroom was eight men, of a certain size, and then this little woman sitting to the side. That was not a good image for the public to see.

Love and doubt have never been on speaking terms.

If somebody thinks they’re a hedgehog, presumably you just give ‚em a mirror and a few pictures of hedgehogs and tell them to sort it out for themselves.

Children wish fathers looked but with their eyes; fathers that children with their judgment looked; and either may be wrong.

Humor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue.

What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured.

This must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays.

I love making new friends and I respect people for a lot of different reasons.

To an ordinary human being, love means nothing if it does not mean loving some people more than others.

No matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it.

Sucking up to the biggies won’t get us anywhere.

Perfect friendship is the friendship of men who are good, and alike in excellence; for these wish well alike to each other qua good, and they are good in themselves.

If you’re talking to a man who wouldn’t fight with you under any circumstances whatsoever, then you’re talking to someone for whom you have absolutely no respect.

When your mother asks, ‚Do you want a piece of advice?‘ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.

I see when men love women. They give them but a little of their lives. But women when they love give everything.

I feel like everything we do comes down to how it looks. Even no branding is branding. For example, you had no face or image to put to my music at first. That was branding.

I don’t have to ‚freedom-kiss‘ my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.

I think the American people, with some justification, think that most politicians live in la-la land.

Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do… but how much love we put in that action.

Why don’t Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

The difference between false memories and true ones is the same as for jewels: it is always the false ones that look the most real, the most brilliant.

Familiarity breeds contempt – and children.