There is nothing which has yet been contrived by man, by which so much happiness is produced as by a good tavern.
Samuel JohnsonIt’s better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone – so far.
Marilyn MonroeI think there’s every reason this 21st century will be much happier.
Dalai LamaThe knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Douglas AdamsMy kids are the funniest two human beings there are.
Kevin HartA lot of critics object to what I do, but I got into comedy to make people laugh, and I’ve always worked hard.
Adam SandlerWhen a man laughs at his troubles he loses a great many friends. They never forgive the loss of their prerogative.
Francis BaconI always was a rich person because money’s not related to happiness.
Paulo CoelhoTears of joy are like the summer rain drops pierced by sunbeams.
Hosea BallouMaybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they’re eating sandwiches.
Jim CarreyLife well spent is long.
Leonardo da VinciIn a democracy, the well-being, individuality and happiness of every citizen is important for the overall prosperity, peace and happiness of the nation.
A. P. J. Abdul KalamWhen I jumped off a roof in Cannes in a bee costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business; I have to humiliate myself.
Jerry SeinfeldFor me, however, that beloved, glowing little word happiness has become associated with everything I have felt since childhood upon hearing the sound of the word itself.
Hermann HesseA doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn’t pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.
Henny YoungmanMorality is not the doctrine of how we may make ourselves happy, but how we may make ourselves worthy of happiness.
Immanuel KantThe happiest moments are when we sit down and we feel the presence of our brothers and sisters, lay and monastic, who are practicing walking and sitting meditation.
Thich Nhat HanhI’d like to think you don’t stop being creative once you get happy. My ultimate goal is to end up being happy. Most of the time.
Taylor SwiftOur envy always lasts longer than the happiness of those we envy.
HeraclitusHumor has bailed me out of more tight situations than I can think of. If you go with your instincts and keep your humor, creativity follows. With luck, success comes, too.
Jimmy BuffettI’m half-Irish, half-Dutch, and I was born in Belgium. If I was a dog, I’d be in a hell of a mess!
Audrey HepburnI saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem?
Arnold SchwarzeneggerIt’s in responsibility that most people find the meaning that sustains them through life. It’s not in happiness. It’s not in impulsive pleasure.
Jordan PetersonThere are men so philosophical that they can see humor in their own toothaches. But there has never lived a man so philosophical that he could see the toothache in his own humor.
H. L. MenckenA two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.
Jerry SeinfeldTrust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.
Golda MeirNo man goes before his time – unless the boss leaves early.
Groucho MarxThe more centuries that I am able to score, the happier I will be.
Virat KohliPerhaps, as some wit remarked, the best proof that there is Intelligent Life in Outer Space is the fact it hasn’t come here. Well, it can’t hide forever – one day we will overhear it.
Arthur C. ClarkeGive a child love, laughter and peace, not AIDS.
Nelson MandelaThe man with a toothache thinks everyone happy whose teeth are sound. The poverty-stricken man makes the same mistake about the rich man.
George Bernard ShawIf you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
Steven WrightFlying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Douglas AdamsI met Woz when I was 13, at a friend’s garage. He was about 18. He was, like, the first person I met who knew more electronics than I did at that point. We became good friends, because we shared an interest in computers and we had a sense of humor. We pulled all kinds of pranks together.
Steve JobsA vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.
Tennessee WilliamsI’ve always had to conquer fear when I’m on stage. Basically, I was and still am a very shy person. It’s absolutely in conflict with what I do. But once I deliver the first joke I’m okay. It’s like I’m out there all by myself just delivering my lines to nobody in particular without ever trying to notice the audience in front of me.
Steven WrightWhen things are really dismal, you can laugh, or you can cave in completely.
Margaret AtwoodI collect records. And cats. I don’t have any cats right now. But if I’m taking a walk and I see a cat, I’m happy.
Haruki MurakamiThe person who seeks all their applause from outside has their happiness in another’s keeping .
Dale CarnegieMarriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
Groucho MarxWhen I found somebody who I fell in love with, it made me feel different than I felt the rest of the day. It was electrifying. That’s what inspired the ‚Off to the Races‘ melodies. That’s one of the times when you’re feeling electrified by someone else and they make you happy to be alive.
Lana Del ReyI don’t need therapy. I’m not going to see a therapist; comedy acts as my therapy. I put my problems out there. I talk about them. I talk about everything before anybody has a chance.
Kevin HartYou know, crankiness is at the essence of all comedy.
Jerry SeinfeldIf you always do what interests you, at least one person is pleased.
Katharine HepburnThis man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he’s Frank and in Chicago he’s Ernest.
Henny YoungmanI don’t feel that I’m explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I’m not trying to be a mirror, showing them what’s really going on the world. All I’m trying to do is think of stuff that’s funny, just like when I’m kidding around with my friends.
Steven WrightThere are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one – keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy.
Mark TwainIt is the working man who is the happy man. It is the idle man who is the miserable man.
Benjamin FranklinOf puns it has been said that those who most dislike them are those who are least able to utter them.
Edgar Allan PoeI just want to live happily ever after, every now and then.
Jimmy BuffettI don’t like magic – but I have been known to make guys disappear.
Mr. TThe Canteen Boy, the reason you feel bad for him and you can laugh is because he, and I guess a lot of my characters, they don’t notice they’re getting made fun of. So they’ll say something back that’s not that great a quip, but in their mind they won the argument.
Adam SandlerI had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
Steven WrightHappiness doesn’t depend on any external conditions, it is governed by our mental attitude.
Dale CarnegieAre you laboring under the impression that I read these memoranda of yours? I can’t even lift them.
Franklin D. RooseveltIf the people are happy, united, wealthy, and powerful, we presume the rest. We conclude that to be good from whence good is derived.
Edmund BurkeWhatever is funny is subversive, every joke is ultimately a custard pie… a dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion.
George OrwellI believe that God put us in this jolly world to be happy and enjoy life.
Robert Baden-PowellWhy, I’d horse-whip you if I had a horse.
Groucho MarxHappiness is a how; not a what. A talent, not an object.
Hermann Hesse