What I have never been afraid of is to be a little silly, and you can engage people that way. My view is, first you get them to laugh, then you get them to listen.
Michelle ObamaMy mother is from another time – the funniest person to her is Lucille Ball; that’s what she loves. A lot of times she tells me she doesn’t know what I’m talking about. I know if I wasn’t her son and she was flipping through the TV and saw me, she would just keep going.
Steven WrightPeople may think I’m trying something new by telling stories, but they’re just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That’s what I do.
Steven WrightIf you check your ego at the door when it comes to comedy, you’ve got a pretty good shot at making a great movie that you can commit yourself to, you can jump off the proverbial cliff with, and have a great time, and the audiences respond to that.
Dwayne JohnsonMen show their character in nothing more clearly than what they think laughable.
Johann Wolfgang von GoetheWell, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
George CarlinI’m a big believer than a great bit is a great bit – if I go and see someone I love, like Robert Klein. I want to hear some classics and some new stuff. But a great stand-up bit takes a long time to really polish and perfect, and they’re beautiful things when they’re done.
Jerry SeinfeldA lot of truth is said in jest.
EminemGod is a comedian, playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
H. L. MenckenComedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
Woody AllenHow do you catch a knuckleball? You wait until it stops rolling, then go pick it up.
Bob UeckerMy mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.
Maya AngelouMy daughter doesn’t even get my humor. She’s like, ‚Um, no. I don’t get it, Dad. Mmm, no, not that one, Dad.‘
Kevin HartHumor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue.
Virginia WoolfNever accept a drink from a urologist.
Erma BombeckGood jokes are gems. A good idea is hard to come by. I couldn’t give them to someone else, even for money. It just wouldn’t seem right.
Steven WrightYou can always count on Americans to do the right thing – after they’ve tried everything else.
Winston ChurchillContrary to reports, this boy is not a billionaire or going to be richer than any Beatle… and not just in the sense of money, by the way; the Beatles are untouchable – those billionaire reports are a joke.
BonoIt’s a funny old world.
Margaret ThatcherInstead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don’t they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth.
Will RogersIf Everton were playing down the bottom of my garden, I’d draw the curtains.
Bill ShanklyOnly two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.
Lyndon B. JohnsonA serious writer is not to be confounded with a solemn writer. A serious writer may be a hawk or a buzzard or even a popinjay, but a solemn writer is always a bloody owl.
Ernest HemingwayYou know what, I’m very attracted to someone who makes me laugh and is that charming. Really, I could be charmed by anyone. I’m just a sucker for somebody that is charming.
Beyonce KnowlesI would never win an award for not loving pizza.
Dwayne JohnsonThis must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays.
Douglas AdamsJust got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
Henny YoungmanBehind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
Jim CarreyThe secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
Groucho MarxThe Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it’s so much fun.
Jerry SeinfeldIs everything funny? For me, yes. There’s a positive to every negative. Even my divorce? For me, yes. If you go back and look at it, why it happened or how it happened, there’s something in there that’ll make you laugh.
Kevin HartNo man goes before his time – unless the boss leaves early.
Groucho MarxI’m always amazed that people take what I say seriously. I don’t even take what I am seriously.
David BowieObama’s not Jesus. He can’t walk on water.
Mr. TI am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
Woody AllenEvery country is like a particular type of person. America is like a belligerent, adolescent boy; Canada is like an intelligent, 35-year-old woman. Australia is like Jack Nicholson. It comes right up to you and laughs very hard in your face in a highly threatening and engaging manner.
Douglas AdamsThe middle class is so funny, it’s the class I know best, and it’s the class where you find the most pretension, so that’s what makes the middle classes so funny.
J. K. RowlingJesters do often prove prophets.
Joseph AddisonAs an athlete, you’d better laugh at yourself when you slip in the mud.
Dwayne JohnsonMy life has been one great big joke, a dance that’s walked a song that’s spoke, I laugh so hard I almost choke when I think about myself.
Maya AngelouIf you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.
Erma BombeckI look just like the girls next door… if you happen to live next door to an amusement park.
Dolly PartonI went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, ‚Hey, the sign says you’re open 24 hours.‘ He said, ‚Yes, but not in a row.‘
Steven WrightI grew up in a funny way.
Gordon RamsayPeople who do not know how to laugh are always pompous and self-conceited.
William Makepeace ThackerayI think being funny is not anyone’s first choice.
Woody AllenEveryone has at least one story, and each of us is funny if we admit it. You have to admit you’re the funniest person you’ve ever heard of.
Maya AngelouIt’s a good thing we don’t get all the government we pay for.
Will RogersThere’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.
Erma BombeckIf you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything.
Marilyn MonroeAll those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
Steven WrightThe gods too are fond of a joke.
AristotleI was always making my friends laugh, but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
Steven WrightI met Woz when I was 13, at a friend’s garage. He was about 18. He was, like, the first person I met who knew more electronics than I did at that point. We became good friends, because we shared an interest in computers and we had a sense of humor. We pulled all kinds of pranks together.
Steve JobsWith the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die.
Abraham LincolnI didn’t start sweating until I had children. That was one of the first things I realized when my daughter Violet was born – I started getting wicked BO. You know there’s a difference between basketball BO and stress BO? This was definitely stress BO. Like, new dad BO.
Dave GrohlFlying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Douglas AdamsI laugh all the time – at things, people, stuff, whatever. But, I don’t laugh onstage because then it’s serious business.
Steven WrightWhen I’m on stage, it’s really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to remember my act, trying to say it all the right way. It’s funny how different it looks and how it’s happening. There are three Fellini circuses in my head, and outwardly it looks like I’m going to get a bagel.
Steven WrightYou might be the funniest guy in the world, but if you don’t have anything to talk about, people are eventually going to gravitate towards the guy that’s actually saying something.
Kevin Hart