If I am not allowed to laugh in heaven, I don’t want to go there.

Joy is the serious business of Heaven.

Parting is all we know of heaven, and all we need of hell.

MySpace is my wife… Facebook is my mistress.

Every man sees in his relatives, and especially in his cousins, a series of grotesque caricatures of himself.

There is nothing, Sir, too little for so little a creature as man. It is by studying little things that we attain the great art of having as little misery and as much happiness as possible.

It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust.

The only really happy folk are married women and single men.

You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That’s what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.

If you always do what interests you, at least one person is pleased.

Right now I’m just delighted to be alive and to have had a nice long bath.

I’m crazy, but I’m not stupid.

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.

As a vulnerability researcher, the greatest barrier I see is our low tolerance for vulnerability. We’re almost afraid to be happy. We feel like it’s inviting disaster.

Maria is the best reason to come home.

I think when people mean that Discworld books have become darker they really mean the series is growing up. In ‚The Colour of Magic‘ most of the city is set alight. It’s a joke, in much the same way that the Earth is destroyed almost at the start of Douglas Adams’s ‚The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.‘

But now, being a parent, I go home and see my son and I forget about any mistake I ever made or the reason I’m upset. I get home and my son is smiling or he comes running to me. It has just made me grow as an individual and grow as a man.

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.

Why don’t Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

Tears of joy are like the summer rain drops pierced by sunbeams.

My faith helps me understand that circumstances don’t dictate my happiness, my inner peace.

It is a vain hope to make people happy by politics.

Different taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.

Jesus lived a life that was full of joy and contradictions and fights, you know? If they were to paint a picture of Jesus without contradictions, the gospels would be fake, but the contradictions are a sign of authenticity.

The more in harmony with yourself you are, the more joyful you are and the more faithful you are. Faith is not to disconnect you from reality – it connects you to reality.

It’s better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone – so far.

I think I have always had a little humor.

Life, an age to the miserable, and a moment to the happy.

For as one star another far exceeds, So souls in heaven are placed by their deeds.

Heaven cannot brook two suns, nor earth two masters.

If in our daily life we can smile, if we can be peaceful and happy, not only we, but everyone will profit from it. This is the most basic kind of peace work.

I believe God’s keeping the records, and I believe you will be rewarded even in this life. Somehow, some way, God will make it up to you. It may be He protected you from an accident you never knew. You can’t give God something without God giving you more in return, whether it’s peace or joy or satisfaction.

Happiness is a virtue, not its reward.

There’s only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I’ll get married again.

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

The other day I… uh, no, that wasn’t me.

I had no bad moment in my relationship with Dortmund. Not one second.

Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Wondrous is the strength of cheerfulness, and its power of endurance – the cheerful man will do more in the same time, will do it; better, will preserve it longer, than the sad or sullen.

Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.

Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.

My wife is already in Heaven.

In the end, everything is a gag.

Your success and happiness lies in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.

In South Korea, they believe that when you turn 60, you’ve become a baby again and the rest of your life should be totally about joy and happiness, and people should leave you alone, and I just think that that’s the height of intelligence.

Doing what you love is the cornerstone of having abundance in your life.

True prayer is neither a mere mental exercise nor a vocal performance. It is far deeper than that – it is spiritual transaction with the Creator of Heaven and Earth.

God is not so wary as we, else He would give us no friends, lest we forget Him! The charms of the heaven in the bush are superseded, I fear, by the heaven in the hand, occasionally.

I don’t believe in death, neither in flesh nor in spirit.

Italy, and the spring and first love all together should suffice to make the gloomiest person happy.

There is little success where there is little laughter.

Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don’t they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth.

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

I remember straightening my hair because I wanted to be like everybody else, and now the fact that anybody would emulate what I do? It’s just funny.

Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic – you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.

You pray in your distress and in your need; would that you might also pray in the fullness of your joy and in your days of abundance.

Money doesn’t make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million.

Our greatest happiness does not depend on the condition of life in which chance has placed us, but is always the result of a good conscience, good health, occupation, and freedom in all just pursuits.

I sing and play the guitar, and I’m a walking, talking bacterial infection.

My ultimate goal is to end up being happy. Most of the time.