I’m a pretty funny guy, and I would love to do a comedy with a bunch of funny guys – movie-star guys, where they could help me through it.

Every sin is the result of a collaboration.

I wanted to be a writer-performer like the Pythons. In fact, I wanted to be John Cleese, and it took me some time to realise that the job was, in fact, taken.

According to Lifetime, I don’t know anything about TV.

For me, the way I stay consistent is through stand-up comedy.

That’s a traditional Samoan dance. I was lucky that I was able to fly my cousins, who are professional dancers, up from Hawaii and they were able to be in the movie with me. We had a great time.

‚Be Cool‘ was a defining movie for me.

If two smart, intelligent, clever guys sit together on a table, and you both want the same, where can be the problem? We all want to be successful.

Chris Rock does the political thing really well, but that never worked for me.

I’m a showgirl, as you can tell. I’m ever ready.

Laughter is America’s most important export.

Science is the captain, and practice the soldiers.

My friend James Cameron and I made three films together – True Lies, The Terminator and Terminator 2. Of course, that was during his early, low-budget, art-house period.

Comedy’s about opening up and being unique, but to a point where the audience can relate to what you’re saying.

If a great opportunity opens itself up, I would love to be involved… or star in a movie.

If you get an opportunity to work with David Simon, anybody with good taste would.

Human beings need stories, and we’re looking for them in all kinds of places; whether it’s television, whether it’s comic books or movies, radio plays, whatever form, people are hungry for stories.

Disneyland is the star, everything else is in the supporting role.

We will naturally pursue our goals on the strength of our own resources, skills and enterprise. But, we know that we will be more successful when we do this in partnership with the world.

I know that some actors and directors like to have intensity on set. I don’t, particularly. Certainly, if they want that, that’s fine, but I can’t work like that.

I laugh all the time – at things, people, stuff, whatever. But, I don’t laugh onstage because then it’s serious business.

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

I take a lot of pride in the work I do, because people pay to see me. They’ve got to get babysitters, park their car, get popcorn and candy. I’ve got to be conscious of that.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I’m all about surprises. If you watch a horror movie, and it’s called ‚Kiss Land,‘ it’s probably going to be the most terrifying thing you’ve ever seen in your life.

My fate cannot be mastered; it can only be collaborated with and thereby, to some extent, directed. Nor am I the captain of my soul; I am only its noisiest passenger.

I’ve always wanted to do a family movie.

The Canteen Boy, the reason you feel bad for him and you can laugh is because he, and I guess a lot of my characters, they don’t notice they’re getting made fun of. So they’ll say something back that’s not that great a quip, but in their mind they won the argument.

No cricket team in the world depends on one or two players. The team always plays to win.

You see some of the weirdest people in Detroit casinos.

At the end of the day, the TV show is the best job in the world. I get to go anywhere I want, eat and drink whatever I want. As long as I just babble at the camera, other people will pay for it. It’s a gift.

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

But I did ‚Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure.‘ They made a cereal out of it, so once you’ve had a cereal, it doesn’t get much more surreal than that. Surreal cereal.

Actors are one family over the entire world.

You know, fame is a funny thing, man, especially, you know, actors, musicians, rappers, rock singers, it’s kind of a lifestyle and it’s easy to get caught up in it – you go to bars, you go to clubs, everyone’s doing a certain thing… It’s tough.

Actors know, with me they aren’t going to be allowed to rehearse a scene for a couple of hours and then get away with doing 25 takes before we get it right. So they come with their full bag of tricks.

My comedy is different every time I do it. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.

A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves.

‚Two Voices,‘ from my album with Peter Schwalm, is an intact dream-poem. I awoke one night with an image of a piece of paper and all the words of the poem written on it, so I just blundered down to the kitchen table and ‚copied it out.‘

I just love working hard. I love being part of a team; I love working toward a common goal.

I’ve got the brain of a four year old. I’ll bet he was glad to be rid of it.

Comedy isn’t necessarily all dialogue. Think of Buster Keaton: the poker face and all this chaos going on all around him. Sometimes it’s a question of timing, of the proper rhythm.

SNL is a home. You’ve got all of your brothers and sisters there, and it’s a great time.

When the best leader’s work is done the people say, ‚We did it ourselves.‘

Stand-up is hard.

Is there a sharper commentary on American culture and the world than The Simpsons?

In comedy, my strengths are improvisation.

There are no problems we cannot solve together, and very few that we can solve by ourselves.

We can succeed only by concert. It is not, ‚Can any of us imagine better,‘ but, ‚Can we all do better?‘

I don’t want people at my shows to come out and say, ‚I just saw a cool show.‘ I want them to say, ‚I had fun at the show.‘ I want it to be a collaborative thing and be part of the audience and have them be part of me. I try to interact with everyone there and have them be equal to me because they are.

I love making people laugh. And I love laughing.

Barack Obama did tell me that I was one of Michelle Obama’s favorite actors.

The nice thing about being a celebrity is that, if you bore people, they think it’s their fault.

The connectivity declaration is about uniting the whole industry – a lot of companies that typically compete very fiercely – to push in a coherent direction.

I would love to get Rihanna on a Khaled song. That’s my friend, but every time I’m around her, I get shy.

I love music, and after my first experience with movies, I can’t wait to do more.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. That’s the funniest joke in the world.

Crankiness is at the essence of all comedy. My wife and I were discussing the different types of cranky. There’s entertaining cranky, annoying cranky, angry cranky.

Brad will tell you. He puts a movie on, I’m asleep in 10 minutes. I have no patience. But the kids love action movies with comedy, Jackie Chan and all that.

What I like about the jokes, to me it’s a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense, or it won’t be funny.

If you look at ‚Blade Runner,‘ it’s been cut sixteen ways from Sunday, and there are all kinds of different versions of it.