My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it’s feet first!

I think a father is important for everyone. If you don’t have, then maybe not so much. In the world today, it’s possible that you grow up with only one parent in the family.

Your children will see what you’re all about by what you live rather than what you say.

We’re African-American and we work together as a family, so people assume we’re like the Jacksons. But I didn’t have parents using me to get out of a bad situation.

I have never felt more confident in myself, more clear on who I am as a woman. But I am constantly thinking about my own health and making sure that I’m eating right and getting exercise and watching the aches and pains. I want to be this really fly 80-90-year old.

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

There is nothing which we receive with so much reluctance as advice.

In the real world, children love me.

I’ve been thinking of humorous things since I was… I can’t remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.

He that won’t be counseled can’t be helped.

The secret to a long marriage is to stay gone.

Water is life, and clean water means health.

If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner.

I have an expression I use as I’ve gone around the world through my career: ‚You never tell another man or woman what’s in their interest. They know their interest better than you know their interest.‘

Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep.

I had to make a choice at one point in my life, of missing films or missing my children. It was a very easy decision to make because I missed my children so very much.

There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings.

Because I am a mother, I am capable of being shocked: as I never was when I was not one.

I like George Carlin’s jokes. I like his humor. He’s one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things.

A word to the wise is infuriating.

To understand Europe, you have to be a genius – or French.

Without education, your children can never really meet the challenges they will face. So it’s very important to give children education and explain that they should play a role for their country.

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, ‚Did you sleep good?‘ I said ‚No, I made a few mistakes.‘

Whenever I want to laugh, I read a wonderful book, ‚Children’s Letters to God.‘ You can open it anywhere. One I read recently said, ‚Dear God, thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy.‘

He that raises a large family does, indeed, while he lives to observe them, stand a broader mark for sorrow; but then he stands a broader mark for pleasure too.

Fortunately, we have help from the media. I have to say this: I’m very grateful for the support and kindness that we’ve gotten. People have respected their privacy and in that way, I think, you know, no matter what people may feel about my husband’s policies or what have you, they care about children and that’s been good to see.

I won’t have to do any major changes to continue my career a long way, hopefully. Just hopefully stay healthy and be able to help a team out as I go through and still play at a pretty high level.

I want kids. I want a soccer team, and I want a husband.

There’s love, and certainly children you care about more than yourself. But nevertheless, we’re alone in our heads.

Adults are obsolete children.

In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

At the beginning when the child is coming, people worry the child may be deformed. When a healthy boy or child comes, people are very happy for a short moment.

When we talk about mortality, we are talking about our children.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

I want to thank God, obviously for the health, for the talent He’s given me, for my family who supports me, for the things that basketball’s taught me on and off the court. For the people that I’ve been able to meet through the game of basketball.

If you are a parent, you have probably already realized that your children are always watching what you do. And just as children watch their parents and emulate their behavior, so do employees who are watching their bosses.

If somebody thinks they’re a hedgehog, presumably you just give ‚em a mirror and a few pictures of hedgehogs and tell them to sort it out for themselves.

Even if we give parents all the information they need and we improve school meals and build brand new supermarkets on every corner, none of that matters if when families step into a restaurant, they can’t make a healthy choice.

My rule is to break one sweat a day.

Almost anything can be funny if said the right way – but it has to be said the right way.

I don’t think comedy will ever die.

A good laugh is sunshine in the house.

I go to sleep thinking about my kids being spoiled and I wake up thinking about it.

I almost laughed about the Machiavellian plans of the presidents of the United States.

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.

I just want to make sure when I have kids, I can spend time with them. That’s the whole point.

In 1969, I gave up women and alcohol – it was the worst 20 minutes of my life.

I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blonde.

I sometimes wish I were suffering in a good cause, or risking my life for the good of others, instead of just being a gravely endangered patient.

It may be the part of a friend to rebuke a friend’s folly.

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

Sometimes, it’s just easier to say yes to that extra snack or dessert, because frankly, it is exhausting to keep saying no. It’s exhausting to plead with our kids to eat just one more bite of vegetables.

Kids end up seeing my movies anyway but some of the mothers get mad at me so I figured I’d make one that I can’t get yelled at for.

My advice is this. For Christ’s sake, don’t write a book that is suitable for a kid of 12 years old, because the kids who read who are 12 years old are reading books for adults. I read all of the James Bond books when I was about 11, which was approximately the right time to read James Bond books.

Homework’s hard. Especially math. My kids joke with me. They tell me they have homework. I say, ‚Okay.‘ And then I sit down and they say, ‚It’s math.‘ ‚No! Not math! English, history, anything!‘

There’s nothing like white trash at the White House.

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.

I think it’s good for a woman to put on a bit of weight when she gets older – it looks better. But a man has to stay balanced.

When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; when health is lost, something is lost; when character is lost, all is lost.

Taking care of children has nothing to do with politics. I think perhaps with time, instead of there being a politicization of humanitarian aid, there will be a humanization of politics.

I don’t take pictures when I’m with my kids, for the sake of my kids. It’s important when you’re as busy as I am that you give your kids your time when you’re with them, and nothing compromises that. I’ve been lucky enough to have fans that understand that.