Money doesn’t talk, it swears.

I can get where some scientists would say comedians are crazy. What you have to understand: A lot of comedians are dealing with a dark passion. A lot of these are guys coming from a tumultuous life, including myself. Some people need outlets, a way to express yourself.

As long as my music is real, it’s no limit to how many ears I can grab.

I believe God wants you to have money to pay your bills, send your kids to college and do charity work and build orphanages. There’s the teaching that we’re supposed to be poor to show that we’re humble. I don’t buy that. I think we’re supposed to be leaders. We’re supposed to excel.

No one would remember the Good Samaritan if he’d only had good intentions; he had money as well.

Never spend your money before you have earned it.

Art is not a treasure in the past or an importation from another land, but part of the present life of all living and creating peoples.

Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes.

Life without liberty is like a body without spirit.

Men always want to be a woman’s first love – women like to be a man’s last romance.

Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.

Art is the most intense mode of individualism that the world has known.

If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven.

Before a man speaks it is always safe to assume that he is a fool. After he speaks, it is seldom necessary to assume it.

If I have something to say, I want it to be meaningful.

My aim is to put down on paper what I see and what I feel in the best and simplest way.

I could talk all day, T stands for talking, T stands for tender, T stands for things that don’t even rhyme with T.

In a country well governed, poverty is something to be ashamed of. In a country badly governed, wealth is something to be ashamed of.

Money often costs too much.

For many men, the acquisition of wealth does not end their troubles, it only changes them.

I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.

And if you’re horrible to me I’m going to write a song about you and you are not going to like it. That’s how I operate.

Songwriting is my way of channeling my feelings and my thoughts. Not just mine, but the things I see, the people I care about. My head would explode if I didn’t get some of that stuff out.

When you’re drowning, you don’t say ‚I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,‘ you just scream.

If money is your hope for independence you will never have it. The only real security that a man will have in this world is a reserve of knowledge, experience, and ability.

When befriended, remember it; when you befriend, forget it.

Husbands never become good; they merely become proficient.

As a precious metal, silver is also money.

It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.

He who has health, has hope; and he who has hope, has everything.

He who does not trust enough, Will not be trusted.

The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief.

After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.

No advance in wealth, no softening of manners, no reform or revolution has ever brought human equality a millimeter nearer.

I never think of the future – it comes soon enough.

Why did I write? Because I found life unsatisfactory.

Language is the dress of thought.

A yawn is a silent shout.

You have to be very rich or very poor to live without a trade.

Money is an unavoidable consequence, but it isn’t the reason I write; if it was, I wouldn’t have written any of the YA books, because advances in that field are small compared to what I’d got now for an ‚adult‘ DW.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world – not even our troubles.

Where there is love there is life.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

These capitalists generally act harmoniously and in concert to fleece the people; and now that they have got into a quarrel with themselves, we are called upon to appropriate the people’s money to settle the quarrel.

Friendship often ends in love, but love in friendship – never.

Happy the country that lives on nothing but its wits; cursed be the one that thinks it can get rich by planting or digging or drilling for wealth.

It’s funny because I’ve made a living off of words, but words get in the way of what you really want to say.

I’m a cash flow guy. If it doesn’t make me money today, forget about it.

When you play, play hard; when you work, don’t play at all.

Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.

Every man is a quotation from all his ancestors.

Money has a language of its own.

I have all the emotions that everyone has; it just appears that I don’t.

Music is something no one can control.

You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad.

As capitalism falters, the rich move their money out of the country, violence increases, and politicians promising prosperity are elected.

Any time an investment company has to spend heavily on advertising, it’s probably a bad business in which to invest.

A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.

As we must account for every idle word, so must we account for every idle silence.

I don’t know, I feel desperate when I sing. And I look desperate – it feels like I’m singing for my life, which makes me twitch, if that makes sense.