Pirate was going to be my middle name, but then my uncle had a problem with it because pirates are bad.

When I was young, an eccentric uncle decided to teach me how to lie. Not, he explained, because he wanted me to lie, but because he thought I should know how it’s done so I would recognise when I was being lied to.

The real problem is not why some pious, humble, believing people suffer, but why some do not.

Possession isn’t nine-tenths of the law. It’s nine-tenths of the problem.

If danger arises in the present moment, there may be an emotion. There may even be pain. But that’s a challenge, not a problem. For a problem to exist, you need time and repetitive mind activity.

Climate change is a terrible problem, and it absolutely needs to be solved. It deserves to be a huge priority.

Boredom is… a vital problem for the moralist, since half the sins of mankind are caused by the fear of it.

I’m so tough and so bad, I can be humble and lift another guy up.

There is no odor so bad as that which arises from goodness tainted.

Nothing can affect my voice, it’s so bad.

Freedom from the desire for an answer is essential to the understanding of a problem.

The problem with having a sense of humor is often that people you use it on aren’t in a very good mood.

Let me give you a definition of ethics: It is good to maintain and further life it is bad to damage and destroy life.

Indecision may or may not be my problem.

What is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after.

If you pretend to be good, the world takes you very seriously. If you pretend to be bad, it doesn’t. Such is the astounding stupidity of optimism.

Greece needs to work on a cleaner image. It’s a big problem, as they have this reputation of being so corrupt.

The bad gains respect through imitation, the good loses it especially in art.

We wanted to step off our island and add the color of the third world. We got gold cigarette paper and stuck it around our teeth. We really did look like pirates and dressed to look the part.

The problem in defense is how far you can go without destroying from within what you are trying to defend from without.

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.

It is easy to hate and it is difficult to love. This is how the whole scheme of things works. All good things are difficult to achieve; and bad things are very easy to get.

Baseball is a universe as large as life itself, and therefore all things in life, whether good or bad, whether tragic or comic, fall within its domain.

When Bugs Bunny walks into rehab, people are going to turn and look. People at rehab were stealing my hats and pens and notebooks and asking for autographs. I couldn’t concentrate on my problem.

There is more treasure in books than in all the pirate’s loot on Treasure Island.

To the wise, life is a problem; to the fool, a solution.